Why I hate Alan Alda

Attention please, Tonights selection from the DVD rack is M*A*S*H, starring Eliot Gould, Donald Sutherland, Robert DuVall...Before Hawkeye became an emasculated Alan Alda he was portrayed immortally as a hard drinking antisocial womanizer by Donald Sutherland in this 1970 classic. The AC to Pattons DC this is quite possibly the only major movie to accurately depict the diagnosis, pre-op preparation, and treatment of a Tracheal -Esophageal-Fistula. The only thing its got in common with the awful TV version is the theme song, Gary Burghoff as Radar, and some of the characters names. Enjoy watching a pompous medical administrator get slipped a Micky and have incriminating photos taken while under anesthesia as payback for making the surgeons lives miserable.Tom Skerritt portrays "Duke" Forest, a character that was cut from the small screen probably because he was an intelligent southerner. Robert Duvall delivers a superb performance as Major Frank Burns. Rarely seen on network TV because of its risque for the time themes it has some of the gnarliest OR scenes ever shown. Little example of the political incorrectness, the theme music "Suicide is Painless" accompanies the attempted assisted suicide of the hospitals Oral Surgeon, "the painless Pole". The etiology of his suicidality? he mistakes his episodic impotence for latent homosexuality, thus offending fundamentalist christians, Poles, homos, and feminists everywhere. Also features first time the F-bomb was dropped in a major Holywood production.

Another thrilling subplot involves Trappers and Hawkeyes plans to determine the authenticness of Hot Lips's blondeness. Some of the dialog is a bit dated, and the idea of Korean war soldiers smoking pot is a little far fetched but holds up quite well overall. Word of warning, once you see it, you'll never enjoy the TV version again, but that's a good thing.